Black Friday is a tradition as old as... uh... like, the early 60s. Back in the day, stores would lower prices and people would show up like normal folks do and shop when the store opened. Then, one day, some innovator decided to sleep in front of the store like a moron, to guarantee that they'd be the first one in the door. Soon, more morons followed this moron's lead, and suddenly EVERYONE was sleeping out in front of the store. However, because it was, you know, THE END OF FREAKING NOVEMBER, it was cold outside, and people started to grow weary of being outside in the cold all night. So stores started opening earlier to keep these idiots happy. But they wouldn't stay happy (because they're idiots), so stores kept on pulling back the hours on their Black Friday opening.
Last night, the first in-store Black Friday sales began at 8 p.m. On Thanksgiving. Also known as THURSDAY. Yes, Black Friday started on Thursday this year. Next year, I'm anticipating an even earlier start date, Black Wednesday.
Now don't misconstrue this as some kind of libel against Black Friday itself. I don't have a problem with Black Friday. Being the super-capitalist I am, I encourage Black Friday. What I have a problem with is people abandoning all sense of humanity and decency in the name of saving a few bucks (Here's the part where any anti-capitalists reading say "Haha, you just contradicted yourself!". To them I say shove it)
An example? Last year, I braved the Black Friday crowds here in our quiet little town (which is code for "went to Wal-Mart", since that's all we have) for some first-minute Christmas presents. Shortly after we left, part of the store had to be closed off so people could be arrested for a melee that erupted over bedding. As in sheets and pillowcases. People were literally throwing down to save money on bedding. And this isn't uncommon. The internet and newspapers are rife with stories about the insane things people do on Black Friday. Like this broad, who, in 2011, PUNCHED A BABY IN THE FACE:
Though, in her defense, that toddler probably DID have it coming...
The worst part about the douchebaggery that prevails on Black Friday, though, is the holiday that it immediately follows. Think about it... many of the people pushing and shoving and face-punching babies were probably, just a few hours beforehand, gathered with family and loved ones around a table. Heck, they might even have made a Facebook status about how blessed and lucky and thankful they are for everything they have, etc. etc. etc.
In short, Black Friday shenanigans are weak sauce because they follow up the one day of the year where most people genuinely reflect on the things for which they're thankful. And somehow, a decent number of those people go from appreciating the stuff they have to acting like complete doorknobs for stuff they want, usually within a matter of hours.
But there may be some hope on the horizon: Recently, "Cyber Monday" has gained popularity. Even more recently, larger retailers have started moving towards holding Black Friday sales online, helping people avoid the crowds and avoid the rush. It's hard to imagine a scenario under which fistfights would break out between a bunch of people shopping from the comfort of their own homes. Who wants to fight anyone while in a food coma, anyway??
So, Happy Thanksgiving from all (two) of us here at the Daily Worthless...
And to Black Friday Shenanigans! When you absolutely, positively have to punch someone in the face for an Elmo doll!
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